Thursday, February 13, 2014

My communion with Mama

Just after I wrote this blog, I lifted my right arm, felt/heard 2 pops in my shoulder, and bouts of neuropathic tingling I've had from my right eyeball to my right little toe disappeared:

Hal Pepinsky,, “peacemaking” at
February 13, 2014

My Buddhist friend Mike DeValve asked me how my revelation that life has no beginning nor end came about.  My reply:

All I can do empirically is tell honest stories of moment upon moment in which seemingly scattered pieces of a puzzle (see my first book), which of course is a unique journey, an account that in retrospect has enough pieces that in a God-given moment, it falls together.  I've just gotten home from singing solo (today) just outside the door where I kissed my mom's body goodbye.  Abby, the social director, remarked on what I knew inside, that I was singing and improvising soft and loud, expressing each word in every song.  After singing oldies I used to sing to my mom (my dad taught me music, my mom listened), I got to singing "girl of my dreams," the love song my Mama taught me.  Then, given my mood, I picked out a song I had learned to sing on the ukulele out of the Fireside book of folk songs, Molly Malone.  By the second verse, my voice was cracking.  I barely finished in a whisper.  I didn't shake, but I knew I couldn't speak in a steady voice, and tears began to stream down my face.  I relaxed.  Abby moved to get up and come comfort me.  I managed to get out, "I'm okay.  Students often broke down and cried in my classes.  I welcomed it, tears are healing.  I'm okay."  And they sat silently while I silently sobbed, occasionally bursting out with a loudly projected whisper, "wow!"...and then let the intensity of what was happening just flow through me.  It took me till therapy began in 1996 to try crying openly.  But until this moment, in my entire life, I have never sobbed uncontrollably.  I didn't notice the passage of time.  By chronological experience, I would say that I started Molly Malone at about 11:45.  When my communion (as I see it) had passed, Abby looked at me as I readied to play and said, "Thanks Hal, see you next week."  I told I need to close, with Kristine's closing that I close with her when she is there: He's got the whole world in His hands.

The only black woman in the room was about 6 ft in front of me with her back to the table I sat away from at an angle.  I could see she was truly in church.  As I passed Abby and approached the black woman, Abby saw me looking at her and asked if she were okay.  I replied that she was, and as I had planned, gently laid my right hand on her shoulder, when she looked up, let her gaze into my smiling eyes, and then I said, "I love you."  She smiled and softly told me she loved me too.  I said "amen" in my head and came home for lunch.  I decided to check email first.  Now I'll have my usual banana, blueberries, raspberries, traditional Greek yogurt, and honey.  Richard, you and Solveig are the most healthfully eating family I've stayed with.  How am I doing?  l&p
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 4, the verse Jill selected for our wedding vows.

Hal Pepinsky,, skype name halpep, "Peacemaking" at
 519 Evergreen Circle, Worthington, OH 43085-3667, 1-614-885-6341

Please note:  My mind isn't big enough to handle social networking.  I do not respond to requests to befriend on Facebook or to become Linked In.  That leaves me free to take time to respond to email on this one account, and to answer home phone calls, which I very much enjoy receiving.  Thanks for your understanding.  love and peace--hal

From: DeValve, Michael []
Sent: Thursday, February 13, 2014 11:16 AM
To: Pepinsky, Harold E.
Subject: Re: Apologies: here IS Ted van Fossen's vision

I had to process a bit before I responded to this gift.  Would you see all you offered as a - your - special experience of Interbeing?  Obviously, though we have individualized versions of our perception of Oneness, sharing them helps others see their own Oneness through parallels.

Michael J. DeValve, Ph.D.,
Associate Professor
Department of Criminal Justice
Fayetteville State University

"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness...."
                    - e. e. cummings

No comments:

Post a Comment